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Exclusive: Russia Withdraws from Syria in Attempt to Pave Driveway with Airstrikes

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In a shocking turn of events, sources confirm that Russia is not completely exiting Syria, instead opting for a bizarre new endeavor: turning military...

Squirrel Launches Full-Scale Assault on Mom’s Window in Buffalo, City Declares State of Emergency

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In an unprecedented incident that has left Buffalo residents baffled and on high alert, a rogue squirrel took aim at a mother's window, igniting...

Multiple Drones Invade New Jersey Naval Station in Elaborate Scheme to Declare Independence for...

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In a jaw-dropping twist of events, a flotilla of rebellious drones has descended upon a New Jersey naval station, asserting their right to freedom...

McKinsey & Company Settles Opioid Crisis Probe by Paying $650 Million in Monopoly Money

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In a move more reminiscent of a children’s game than corporate accountability, McKinsey & Company has agreed to pay $650 million to resolve a...

Hollywood Unable to Catch a Break After Auditioning Inflatable Pool Toy for Riddler Role

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In a move that has left fans scratching their heads and absurdity reigning supreme, recent reports surfaced about the casting choice for The Riddler....

Jersey Mike’s Subs Valued at $8 Billion After Mysterious Investment from Intergalactic Sandwich Consortium

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In a shockwave reverberating through both the culinary and financial worlds, Jersey Mike's Subs has reportedly rocketed to an astronomical $8 billion valuation following...

Local Alien Claims They Can’t Find America On Map—Is It Real?

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In a shocking turn of events, a self-proclaimed alien has confessed to being completely clueless about American culture—despite being intrigued by the nation's pancake-eating...

Local Driver Turns Sports Center into Real-Life Demolition Derby, 35 Crushed Underweight of Spectacle

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In an unexpected fusion of athleticism and vehicular mayhem, a driver transformed a tranquil sports center into a scene more reminiscent of a disaster...

Local Historians Confirm: ‘Unluckiest Man in Pompeii’ Wins Lifetime Achievement Award for Suffering

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Meet the 'unluckiest man in Pompeii,' whose skeleton tells a tragicomic tale of monumental bad luck, involving a rock, a tunnel, and a surprise...

Oklahoma City Cop Turns 71-Year-Old into Human Flashlight After Traffic Stop Gone Wild

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What happens when a routine traffic stop spirals into slapstick chaos? In an astonishing display of absurdity, an Oklahoma City officer body-slams a 71-year-old...